The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
