he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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