I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
