its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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