Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Randomize
