I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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