if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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