i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
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