I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I have post one night stand depression
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
