To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I puked a lego.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
