I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
handjob tips. give me some.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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