dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
