I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
