Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
