Fuck appropriateness.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
