how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
