Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
