Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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