You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
