Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
