i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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