things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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