i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
