That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
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i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
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Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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