Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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