too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
