My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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