4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Randomize
