At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
