Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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