Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
honey bunches of taint.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
