What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
