How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You can't motorboat a personality
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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