Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
