I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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