he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
