Well apparently he's into motor boating.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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