Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You left your phone here
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