So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
