I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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