PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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