talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
