My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
