If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
