That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize