He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
