remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
