This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
