Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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