Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The adults are the big ones right?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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