PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
