"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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