You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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