why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Randomize
