I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
