You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
