i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
