yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
