its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
