this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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