just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
