I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
