Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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