where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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