while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
