I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I will be naked everywhere
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
