They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My first STD was from a foam party
it hurts more in the daytime
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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