sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
