So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
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