Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I CAN MOONWALK!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
