So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
