Texts From Last Night

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  (650): View more from California

  Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.

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  (650): Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot. http://tfl.nu/4k0i
  Replies (16) Good night (4291) Bad night (685)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."

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  (571): We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants." http://tfl.nu/wjgr
  Replies (16) Good night (907) Bad night (3565)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.

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  (614): If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold. http://tfl.nu/55cb
  Replies (14) Good night (5963) Bad night (916)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I forgot about that,good spring break.

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  (703): then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild" (773): I forgot about that,good spring break. http://tfl.nu/09xy
  Replies (16) Good night (6253) Bad night (1356)
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  (415): View more from California

  This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.

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  (415): This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck. http://tfl.nu/wwj8
  Replies (14) Good night (957) Bad night (7029)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.

  (1-616): View more from Michigan

  does that include her cleaning your bowl?

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  (616): my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave. (1-616): does that include her cleaning your bowl? http://tfl.nu/8sts
  Replies (10) Good night (5876) Bad night (1234)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.

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  (617): I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN. http://tfl.nu/pj90
  Replies (8) Good night (1244) Bad night (4111)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.

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  (402): There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win. http://tfl.nu/2dfk
  Replies (8) Good night (4876) Bad night (946)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse

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  (216): Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse http://tfl.nu/es8j
  Replies (3) Good night (1351) Bad night (609)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml

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  (507): The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it h http://tfl.nu/rzj1
  Replies (6) Good night (581) Bad night (1989)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.

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  (217): Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day. http://tfl.nu/dztj
  Replies (3) Good night (1000) Bad night (967)
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  (516): View more from New York

  When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.

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  (516): When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners. http://tfl.nu/d16h
  Replies (1) Good night (1555) Bad night (590)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.

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  (832): Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL. http://tfl.nu/25yr
  Replies (3) Good night (1764) Bad night (514)
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  (523): View more from

  I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower

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  (523): I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower http://tfl.nu/3y30
  Replies (4) Good night (708) Bad night (259)
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  (818): View more from California

  I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.

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  (818): I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole. http://tfl.nu/w948
  Replies (1) Good night (329) Bad night (627)

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