I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
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nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
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This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.