i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house