since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver