Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i permit you to call me
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.