What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
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I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
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I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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