I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up