i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
