My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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