Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
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Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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