Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I checked into jail on foursquare
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
