I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i think my mom watched the whole time
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
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According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
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Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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