there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i just wanna soil my oats bro
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You pole danced in your parka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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