I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
