He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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