I can tuck mytits in my pants
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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