Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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