There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
