I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
