My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
